Sunday, December 28, 2008

What to do with my short stories

I'm looking for some advice on what to do with my short stories. Click through to my LiveJournal if you have an opinion you'd like to share with me. I really appreciate any and all comments.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Merry Christmas

This is some video I shot around Lawrence last year, with a couple of pictures from this year thrown in. I really enjoy driving around and looking at Christmas lights and thought I'd share this with everyone.

Wishing you and your family all the holiday cheer you can stand.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Issue 43 -- in the mail!

All the discs went in the mail yesterday. They're headed your way.

Thanks to Zarko for getting all the pieces together, and a big thanks to Copy Jesus, who worked on assembling the contents of the discs until 2:30 a.m. Sunday night!

Monday, December 15, 2008


This number seems a bit high......I hope beyond hope that it's just Huffington swill

Can YOU find America???

Monday, December 8, 2008

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Deadline looms!

Guys, don't forget, our deadline for the next issue of Pulp Legacy is Monday, Dec. 8th at 4 p.m. CST. You can upload your zine directly to Copy Jesus HERE.

Cross-Post: A Reminder for Comics Lovers

Support the CBLDF.

Happy Holidays and I'll see you in the next PL.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


The other day my boss asked me if I had a flash drive she could borrow... of course I did, I always carry several. So I handed her one.

The one I handed her? One I used for Wizard World Chicago 2007 in exchanging files with my reporters... It had two images on it. The two images accompany this post.


Monday, November 17, 2008

They don't write 'em like they used to

A recent news article detailed a possible authentic copy of the Bixby letter (you can also see the text of the letter at the end of the article). Most people would know the letter from "Saving Private Ryan" (one of my favorite war movies...hmm, I'm digressing). The letter is purported to have been written by Abraham Lincoln's secretary, not Lincoln himself, although there is a great amount of debate on the issue.

Regardless who wrote it, the letter is the epitome of eloquence of the written word. It is very brief, consisting of only 4 sentences, but within those few words one can read empathy, understanding, condolence, praise and gratitude. Personally, the subtle shifts in syntax are the highlight of the letter. When you can use phrases like "...attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming..." and "...may assuage the anguish of your bereavement..." you know that you are at the top of your game as a writer.

Why am I bringing this up? Because of another news article. I worry this paradigm shift toward text messaging and the resulting corruption of the English language will, in the course of a decade or so, render people completely unable to construct such striking and thoughtful prose as the Bixby letter. Most people would rather write (and speak) in the equivalent of monosyllabic baby talk. How many thousands of years of human evolution and we're back to speaking like Ugg the caveman? Of course I could be overreacting. I mean, its not like television brought the collective IQ of the country down...? Oh shit, we're doomed.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A new Bart and Jonesy uh... joint

Our new movie. I was going to wait until the new issue, but this will be way old news by then.

It's called GHOST PIMP. Our own Will Baxter was the cameraman. We submitted this for the Wild West Film Festival here in Lawrence. They gave you a theme (scary movies) and five things (three of which you must include in your movie) and you have 48 hours to create a 5-minute movie.

The five things were: eyes, ice, jack o'lantern, botched magic and the line, 'don't go in there... or do.'

Obviously, we did not submit a scary movie. We did a comedy. Because, after all, that's what we do.

They showed this movie at Liberty Hall in Lawrence, the same place where I've seen some pretty cool concerts. It was a rush seeing myself up on their big screen. Copy Jesus also came to see how we did.

Me, Bart and Copy J will again become filmmakers this summer when the Wild West Film Fest opens up the competition again. We'll come back with a better showing this next time... we'll spend more time on the script to make the editing process easier. We had to cut down this one from seven minutes, so a lot of the jokes ended up on the cutting room floor.

Anyway, thanks for watching... enjoy!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Watch this video

If you've seen this video then you already know what you have to do on November 4th. If not, watch this video so you will know what to do on November 4th.

Monday, October 27, 2008

My new zine cover

But I'm sure you've already seen it, right?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

One of my favorite FF covers

Is on sale on eBay... $14,000.

Friday, October 17, 2008

NIN stage

I wrote about this in my new zine about the stage NIN had at Lollapalooza... it was pretty amazing. This video goes into the details of the stage, and shows some of what we saw at the show.

Monday, October 13, 2008


I know how to make time. It's rather Lovecraftian mixed with Brian Greene on the side. Einstein to finish it off.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Momento Morti # 61 PART TWO

Momento Morti # 61 (PART ONE)

Hi guys.

The new issue of Pulp Legacy is scheduled to go out today. As a little snippet, a little taste-test, me and Bart are sneak previewing our "10 years in the future" contribution.

We used our time machine and grabbed this thought blast from Momento Morti # 61 (9/21/2018)... we hope you enjoy!

Seth & Bart

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Zarko in San Fran

The wife and I are heading to San Francisco for a little get-away. Any advice? Where to go? Where not to go? Should we rent a car? Cab it everywhere? The Rock? Chinatown? Fisherman's Wharf? Haight-Ashbury? The new X-Men headquarters?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Chess, anyone?

So, Marlan made a comment in an email about a chess league via email. Interest was piqued amongst a few of the recipients, emails were exchanged, resulting in this post. Is there anyone up for a Pulp Legacy chess league? The particulars haven't been worked out just yet but I imagine it would be something similar to playing chess by mail (you know, two people separated by vast distances would mail each other their moves in alternating letters) only on a much faster scale (ah, the joys of technology). If you are interested, send our esteemed EIC, Zaric, an email with your interest. Let's set a closing date of, oh say, Sept. 15th (that dovetails nicely with the submission deadline). For any further info, talk to our EIC.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sad Day

Usually I keep this type of stuff for my 'zine, but it was so profound to myself, I thought I would post it. And seeing as how the next 'zine is a future one, I didn't want to wait until two (or three) months from now, here it is.

Today I said "Goodbye" to someone. It was one of the saddest things I've ever had to do.

June's aunt, Kathleen, is a real trooper. Two years ago she was feeling very weak. Lethargic. Out of breath. The doctors found out she needed an emergency operation. A by-pass or something. She went under the knife, but complications developed. Something happened with her lungs and she was this close to not making it. It got so bad that the immediate family was called.

Somehow she hung in. But she wasn't out of the woods yet. Weak, she had to convalesce in the hospital for months. We visited her as much as we could. She still had her wits about her and did a lot of reading. A little down in the dumps, she slowly pulled through. After what seemed like certain death, she made a complete recovery.

It was a pleasure to see Aunty again at family gatherings after she was released from the hospital. Sure, she slowed down a bit, but at 78 she was still sharp as a tack and still the same warm, caring person we'd known for years. Liberal in her views, she was always concerned for the little guy, the downtrodden, the kids from broken homes. She was the moral centre of the family. The matriarch.

It's been about two years since her battle. Bonus years, really. Recently it was noticed that she was forgetting words. Mispronouncing. Using the wrong words. Then it got to the point where she would have trouble speaking. Everything else was fine, but she couldn't say anything! Really weird. The doctors couldn't figure it out. Then she couldn't write. It was like her communication abilities were breaking down.

After a CAT scan a tumor was discovered in her brain. A few days ago we found out she's got maybe two months left.

The entire family is devastated, including myself. It is expected she will be released from the hospital and let things be. This is her choice. She will end her days back home in Arborg, Manitoba.

Knowing I might not see her again or in a condition where she might not understand me, I snuck out from work today. I was going to go at lunch, but had a (damn) lunch meeting. Without telling anyone, I walked out and drove to the hospital.

She was in her bed, relaxing. We spoke -- or rather I spoke since she couldn't speak -- for about 15 minutes. I talked about mundane stuff. The weather. Weekend plans. Whatever.

Just before I left I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down. I haven't cried like that in years. We hugged and I told her how important she was to everyone and how much of an honour it was to have known her over the years. I said that I knew there was a really good chance I'd be around a lot longer than her, but that I love her and to hope for the best. I told her how I never got to say goodbye to others and was glad I was able to her.

Then I went to my stupid, insignificant meeting.

Friday, September 5, 2008

75th Anniv. issue of Esquire a publishing first

Forget the chrome clovers, the die-cut, the 3-D... are you ready for electronic covers???

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Pulp Legacy Deadline Coming Up!!

Hey all,

Remember that the deadline for submissions for the next Pulp Legacy is in TWO WEEKS! I've got someone local here working on the front cover and I'm going to attempt something for the back cover.

I also e-mailed everyone, but I figured I should put something here as all of you are pretty regular contributors.

Well, not ALL of you, but you know what I mean....

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Interesting news item

Came across this article this morning. The book(s) in question look rather interesting and I think I'll check out Meltzer's at the very least.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Open Submissions!

iVerse Media is looking to work with new and established comic industry professionals to create the next generation of digital comics.

We are NOT an IP farm. All of the work published through iVerse is 100% creator owned. We will NEVER ask you to give us a piece of your creations.

Currently we are actively seeking to produce original titles created specifically for this new comic format.

We will be adapting print comics to the iVerse digital comics format as well. If you are an established industry professional with a previously or currently published title that you would like to adapt for iPhone/iPod Touch please contact us and let us know that you’re interested.

If your project is unpublished/incomplete it must be submitted as an iVerse formatted title for it to be considered. All proposals that are standard comic book pages from an unpublished property will be deleted without being read. The iVerse format guidelines are available below.
(in the link up above. Here's the video they've released:

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Seize the Day

Check out Arden's Myspace! He plays all the guitar in a fledgling band he's trying to start with a buddy (who is the drummer). He's only 14!!!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Leftover MCs, PL 40

In issue 41, I had to abruptly cut-off my MCs. I had notes, highlights, etc. I was just out of time. I made a commitment at the end of the MCs that I would finish the issue off and post them on the PL blog. Hence, my final three MCs to issue 40 are being posted here.

Zarko's Ramblings (Rich): I like the fact that the Avengers roster rotates. I always looked forward to the books that announced a new team. If I saw a cover promising a new team, I almost certainly picked it up... and then rarely would buy subsequent issues. Still, I like the rotating team in theory... *** So, did Aaron work this summer? I remember something my parents told me when I told them I wanted to get a job: You have the rest of your life to work. They wanted me to put it off as long as possible! But I wanted money... wanted more comics, toys, etc. So eventually I went out to where my sister had worked and used her as a reference to get my first job as a restaurant "host" at age 15. It all worked out fine in the end, but who knows what kind of fun I missed out by having one more summer of being a lazy bum? *** Looking forward to seeing your new short story. That sounds like a great day of writing. Did you have any homemade beer to help the creative juices? *** Cheers, Big Al! *** Oh, Big Al's wedding, killing me! It always happens that way... some event hits the calendar on just the worst day possible. But you'll remember that, because you weren't able to go to the event that you really wanted to. But the day the calendar works out in your favor? That's forgotten, because you don't remember that Big Al's wedding was over by 3 p.m., enabling you to see the Stones, or whatever -- you just remember that you got to see the Stones. *** That would be an awesome thing, to run in the Boston Marathon. And your comment about being more likely to do that than break into comics... why not do both? But also: one you're in total control of. The other (comics) has more of an outside force involved. So it's not an unfair comment... but just try to remain positive (and I think you are). It'll be a big beer-swilling event when we're celebrating your first comics AND your time at the Boston Marathon, right? *** Looking forward to your beer-brewing story. My friend, Neuty, brews his own beer and I enjoy the end product. I don't brew beer, but I did have a recent beer success... this weekend, me and the wife went out and bought a KEGERATOR. I currently have, not even 6 feet away from my keyboard, have a cold keg of Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat on tap. I've had it up and operating since Sunday. It's glorious. *** I remember yelling at friends if they, say, used a comic as a coaster for their can of soda. I was pretty wild about the condition of my comics back then, too. *** Lucky you, not getting selected for jury duty. I'm sure they'll never take me. I'll always have something (too white, too liberal, a journalist) to disqualify me. *** That's probably a good call on the 8A1 league for Zeke. No sense rushing him, let him enjoy it at whatever level for as long as possible -- as long as he's enjoying it. *** Zeke's goal was one of the best stories we've had in the APA in a while -- of course I remember! *** That's bullshit about the unfair ice time for Zeke. Especially if it's a lower division, the coaches should be more focused on fun. Here's what happened to me: I was one of the slower 2nd graders (I'm talking running, not academically!) and my soccer coach didn't play me much. My dad is a military guy, and he can get pretty hot when he's pissed off. The game was over, I'm kinda bumming because I watched most of the game from the sideline. My dad rolls right past me in total hulk-out mode and starts chewing out the coach. The coach, a little guy, looks at my dad and shouts, "If you don't like it, YOU come out here and coach his team next year!" And my dad yells, "I will, and we'll kick your ass!" And guess what? My dad coached every single team I played on from that point until I got into junior high (and there were paid coaches). We won some, we lost some, but everyone loved playing for my dad because he stressed fun and equal playing time. And we beat that coach on a few occasions, too, but not all the time. That was always the rivalry game for us. Anyway, I'm glad my dad did that for me, and I think it made me stick with sports at a young age when I could have easily given it up. I was never all-state or anything, but I had a decent cross county career, and a pretty good basketball career until my senior year of high school, when I couldn't get off the bench. *** I'm not going to re-read this entire story right now, but after first reading, near the graph with the clip art hockey player, I wrote in the margin, "This is set up nicely." *** Man, your son is the rabbit foot for these hockey teams! Great story. Cool photo! Which one is Zeke? *** How is Brand New Day doing now? I almost picked up the hardback at the book store the other day, but it was $25. Too rich for my blood. I went and bought the Spider-Man Magazine # 2 for $7 instead. That magazine is awesome, I'll have to write a review on it next issue... ***I agree, it's like they went back to basics on Spidey. Every once in a while they have to figure that out. Keep it simple, stupid. *** I DEMAND covers that depict something that is going on in the interior! What's the point of a pin-up every month! Show me something that's inside that issue! Titillate me a little! *** Yes, I love that irreverent tone Spidey had in the 60s. *** I plan on reading the Umbrella Academy some day. I'd rather not line Gerard Way's pockets anymore, though. Hopefully Danny, or someone, can loan me a copy. *** Michael Clayton was awesome, agreed. Re: YCT Trav about iPods at the gym: Sometimes I enjoy them, sometimes they distract me. If I'm running or biking, it's unnecessary. If I'm lifting weights? The iPod is almost mandatory. It's like the weight lifting coach yelling at you to PUSH!!! *** Hell no I didn't try the hulk roller coaster (at Universal Studios). Me and roller coasters don't mix. *** Yeah, it only takes me and Adro 15 minutes to get to work (we work in the same office). It's 5 miles to the office and it's on the exact opposite side of Lawrence. There are no highways, it's all in-city driving, and it pisses me off sometimes. But yeah, I have to realize that we're lucky we only have a 15-minute drive to get to the office. *** In hindsight, I wish I would have put more popular songs on my iPod during the video, but I really just went with what was on at that moment. Don't feel badly that you didn't know any of the bands; most were relatively new to me as well. *** Thanks for watching, and commenting on, that video, btw. *** Re: recognizing your records by the grooves -- That's pretty cool, and I totally believe it/understand it. I was reading a magazine the other day and they made mention of some German dude who in 1978 claimed he could read his records by looking at them... they acted like this was insane, the guy was Rain Man, but I can totally understand it. It's like comic prices in 1986 -- I had that damn comic book price guide memorized back then. Or telling the year of a comic by simply looking at the cover. A serious collector can look at almost any comic and tell what year it was produced within two years either way. When you're this close to a hobby, you really learn the intricacies of it. *** Great issue, Zarko.

Momento Morti # 1 (me): Hey, I kinda like my cover. Not bad for last-second. *** Re: "Word of the Day" breakout-box -- OK, this is where I made the joke about 'sciolism.' I said I 'have a friend who likes big words,' bla bla bla. I'd like to apologize publicly to Travis, who mistakenly thought I was writing about him! I wasn't. I actually wasn't writing about anyone in this APA, honestly. I was writing about a friend outside the APA who fits the description of sciolist way better than Trav. So why write about him? Honestly, I was trying to make a funny. I'm trying to make my zine better. Now that I'm not in charge of the APA, I have more time to focus on my zine. And I want to return it to its full glory; I want to entertain. I want to evoke a laugh from you people. The breakout box is basically my attempt at some brief stand-up comedy in the pages of my zine. So, no, Trav, I wasn't talking about you, and I'm sorry you were pissed off for a day or two before emailing me and asking me about it. I think you do just fine with the 12-point words you use, especially in the context of the APA. After all, this is a literate group. Now, if you were ever eyewitness to my friend who I was pegging as the sciolist (and the conundrum of using the word sciolist -- the dichotomy -- see, that's the FUNNY PART!!!) you'd get what I was saying. *** Michael Turner, RIP. *** FF comic! YES! I'm still happy I did this, but you can really see how I don't take the project seriously until the 5th page or so -- my lettering is just TERRIBLE up until then, and it only gets a little better after that.

AJASONT (Arnett): Hey man! *** Your opening writing, 'On excellence,' seems a little rambly to me. At first I thought it was going to be about church/state, then it's about Bush being a moron and the current election, then about the economy. There are some good thoughts here, it's just not as tight as other things I've read from you -- I'm assuming this was hastily put together, and that's totally cool. *** Good luck with the walking, man. The weather has been gorgeous in Lawrence of late; I hope your knee is better! *** Fight gravity. Always fight it. All our lives. It will be defeated. *** Re: alternative spelling -- I didn't notice you spelled it 'comics' when I read it, but then you made mention of 'comix' and I felt myself get kind of sad. Do what you want, spell it however you want, it's only a word, BUT one thing Pulp Legacy was never intended to do was to make someone assimilate. That's the antithesis of this APA, in my mind, man. And I'm not condemning anyone -- the 'anti-comix conspirators' or you or me or anyone. I just don't want this place to ever dampen someone's creative fire. *** I made dinner tonight and me and my nuclear family (wife, kid, mother-in-law and me) sat around a dining room table and ate. I love those moments. It's my hope that my family will keep that Jones family tradition alive for generations to come. *** This is your 'angry issue,' I think. S'all good! Looking forward to more from you in issue 41.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk (Jones, Bown, Arnett): thanks to all who contributed. It's kind of sad that it had such a limited response, but Will did make mention of it (the KU championship) in his zine, and the other five members I asked, with the exception of Bart, rarely contribute anymore, so no big deal. The idea I had in my mind would have been pretty cool though, I think, as what the three of us came up with is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for. Three different Jayhawk fans all sharing what they saw from their perspective. How often do you see literary sports fans sharing a team and writing about it? Kind of an unusual confluence of sports and geek. *** I re-read my excerpt and I'm glad I wrote that... I think there will be some details lost in the next 50 years or so, and I'll hopefully have these personal memories of the 2008 team to look back on. *** Great photo with yours, Copy J! *** I love the background you included about the way Kansas is divided with KU/KSU. *** My favorite sentence of yours was when you wrote, "If you've never experienced the thrill of having 'your team' win the big one, you just don't know what it means to live." That means a lot coming from you, because you're a pretty sage guy in my book, and I wouldn't describe you as a hardcore sports fan... you have other primary hobbies (bad movies being No. 1, from my outsider's perspective). So, to see you write that, that carries a lot of weight to me, and I'm glad you wrote it because it makes me realize that it really is special, I'm not just being a sports nerd, this is really something you have to cherish. *** thanks for getting this in there Copy, I really appreciate your insights on the 2008 season. *** Arnett, I love it! HA! I wasn't the only one who jinxed them -- you and your damn voice message! Whew! Between your voice message, my laundry and the 9-point deficit with two minutes left, it's amazing we overcame it all!!! *** I physically felt the relief when we pushed it to overtime. I KNEW. I turned to my mother-in-law and told her right then, "We're winning this game." You saw Memphis dejectedly walk off the court. You saw Darrell Arthur LEAP to the bench... I'm amazed not that we dominated overtime, but that we didn't accidentally KILL any of the Tigers in OT with a nasty dunk! Lervik called me up, and we were both like, "Dude, this game is over! Memphis is done!" What a great moment. As soon as I'm done posting this, I'm firing up the DVD again. Goddammit, I'm fired up right now!!! *** Thanks for participating Jason, I loved what you had to write!

On that note, I'm out of here. I'm happy I actually fulfilled my promise to get these MCs done -- they've been bothering me for a while. I've got another writing project I NEED to get to, but this one just sort of started happening and now it's done.

I'm looking forward to really diving into issue 41 soon... I've skimmed parts already, and it really does look like a great issue.

Later, all.

Lawrence, Kan.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

How much is your blog worth?

My blog is worth $1,129.08.
How much is your blog worth?

Check it out! I wonder if we could sell the blog to someone and pay for a year's worth of printing costs for the 'zine?

Vampirella Revamp

You can revamp the Vamp courtesy of Harris Comics and Project: Rooftop

More details here

Thursday, July 31, 2008

If you've got, y'know, an extra 5 large laying around...

Speaking of Breaking News....

Check this out. It happened just 40 minutes west of Winnipeg last night. Right out of a Tarantino movie. Anyone want to visit Winnipeg?

By The Canadian Press

PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, Man. - Police haven't confirmed it, but a passenger says a gruesome attack on a Greyhound bus near Portage la Prairie, Man., has left a young man stabbed to death and decapitated and dozens of passengers in shock.

The RCMP and Greyhound officials will only say that a "major incident" occurred on the bus Wednesday night, but have not provided any details.

But a passenger who said he saw the attack said a man repeatedly stabbed a seat mate, and eventually severed his head.

"We heard this blood-curdling scream and turned around and the guy was standing up, stabbing this guy repeatedly, like 40 or 50 times," Garnet Caton said Thursday morning from a hotel in Brandon, where he and other passengers had been taken to rest.

Caton said everyone on the bus scrambled to get out, and he and the bus driver shut the door from the outside while they awaited police.

Eventually, the attacker came to the front of the bus and showed them he had cut off the victim's head, Caton said.

The bus had been carrying 37 passengers and the driver to Winnipeg from Edmonton.

At one point, Mounties surrounded the bus with one officer standing just a few feet away from an unidentified man sitting in the driver's seat.

A man was taken into custody after the standoff with police.

A portion of the Trans-Canada Highway, about 15 kilometres west of Portage la Prairie, remained closed Thursday morning.

Yellow tape surrounded the empty bus and RCMP officers were still on the scene. Traffic was being rerouted onto a side road.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Breaking News

I know this isn't PL-centric or even pop culture related, but I have some big personal news. Check out my blog for the low down.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled comic book programming

And, as usual, my hyperlink isn't working...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My Highlight from SDCC

I barely saw Jonesy. Ran into Mar a few times, though.

The Owl ship

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I met Stan Lee

It was definitely a highlight of Comic-Con 2008 for me.
I'll have a complete story about hanging with Stan on the CBR yacht up on in the next couple days.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Dark Knight

I know there's an email thread going around, but I wanted to post here for everyone to see that I think that the Nolans have done a brilliant job on the script, Christopher Nolan has directed that script in new and interesting ways for comic book movies and finally the actors ALL turned in excellent performances.

The best of the Joker's and Harvey Dent's history ran smack into the Batman and it's magnificent. For now, I sum up the film in one word: Sacrifice. My son does it with: Dignity.

Both work for me and I will think about it a little more and be able to support those thoughts. However, for now, I need a little levity and laughs. It's overwhelming, The Dark Knight, and will take some time to assimilate.

More on my my LiveJournal later this week, and in the comments here.

UPDATE: Seth confesses he had issues with the movie. Bring 'em here, man, and let's talk about it. I think I know where you're going, and I'm sure it would be interesting to show our (likely) diametrically opposed viewpoints. What do you think?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wolverine: Healing powers don't do shit for allergies, bub.

This photo begs for your caption. Please add it in the comments section.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

2008 Comic Book Challenge


I'm helping a buddy out by getting the word out on his book, let me rephrase that...


Yeah, I have more info at my blog: with pages and stuff.

Check it out and check out for further updates and to possibly vote for me/ my buddy and his crew or against.

Either way, your contributions will be appreciated.

Oh yeah, I did the coloring for the pitch.

Those Forbidden Heroes

(Banner courtesy of my buddy, Matt Shults)

Friday, July 11, 2008

Pulp Legacy 41 is out the door!

This one was all Copy J and Zarko, I was out-of-town this week while they got it all together. I just dropped them in the mail on Friday afternoon, so you should be getting yours soon!

GREAT TURNOUT this time. Thanks to everyone who contributed. Remove your socks before you load this issue, unless you want to walk about 100 yards to retrieve them.

A three-day turnaround? Are you serious?!?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Finally something worth a damn on Itunes

Does everyone here have an Ipod? Even if you don't, you need to download Itunes. Why? 'Cause they've just added DC animated series to their TV shows lineup. That's right, you can now watch such pimp classics as the old Fleischer Studios Superman and the JLA knockoff, The SuperFriends, among others. And the best part is you can watch them on your PC (or Mac if you swing that way). Way, way cool. Now you can put on your Superman Underoos, load up on some Lucky Charms and ingest nostalgia till it bleeds out your ears. All we need now is some Spiderman and his Amazing Friends...

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Ask Ellis

I've got a 1-on-1 interview with Warren Ellis coming up this weekend in Chicago. Anyone an Ellis fan and want to offer up a question you'd like me to ask?

Friday, June 20, 2008

What would you give them?

This came to me last night as I was drifting off to sleep (you'd be surprised at the things I think about when I'm falling asleep).

So let's say you have a friend or acquaintance that has absolutely no history with comic books. He is completely clueless when it comes to the genre. Could maybe pick out Superman in a lineup. Anyhoo, let's say this friend comes to you and is interested in learning about comics. He wants to start reading them, but has no clue where to begin. What do you give him?

Be specific. Don't just say, "Any 'ol Spidey title will do" ('Cause we all know that giving him any issue with the spidey-clone would be a big mistake). Something more like, "Amazing Spiderman #300. Todd McFarlane artwork, good Venom story, etc". The idea here is to find out what each of you think epitomizes the perfect comic book for a new reader. Is it the artwork? The story? Both?

For me, it wouldn't be just one issue. I would have to start with a recognizable character, say Batman or Superman. Then it would have to be a story with some heft, something that defines the hero but isn't bogged down with references to 50 years of history. The artwork is important, but preference in artwork is so subjective that I don't really feel it carries that much weight.

Anyhoo, at the end of the day, I would hand this friend either The Dark Knight Returns or Batman, Year One. Both of them have a recognizable character (Batman, duh), both are excellent stories (and the artwork isn't to shabby either) and after reading either, said friend would probably have his interest piqued enough to wander into a comic book shop.

So what would everyone else do?

Monday, June 16, 2008

St. Patty's Day photos -- the outtakes

Hi guys,

As promised, the rest of the photos of our night out partying with FF # 51. Good times. FF # 51 knows how to DRINK.

These photos are not in time order, as you can tell by my varying levels of drunkeness.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Father's Day

To all the dads in PL: Happy Father's Day! I hope you get to enjoy your kids and family. To those of you thinking about being a father (even if you're not ready yet) dads make a difference every day in the lives of their kids whether present or not. So do moms. You can be more positive by being there, but being a dad is one of the best jobs you'll ever, EVER have.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Response to 'Criticism'

Clay posted this on his blog yesterday:

If you're a comic book reviewer, ask yourself a question, and answer honestly: What do I hope to achieve with my criticism?

Do you just want your opinion noted? Do you wish to prove people wrong in their assessments of books? Do you hope to point people toward good work they may have missed? Do you hope to steer people away from books you personally don't like?

He raises a good point, and one he's brought up before. I think it would be appropriate to address the issues one by one:

1 - What do I hope to achieve with my criticism? Do you just want your opinion noted?

I honestly believe that most critics on the internet don't want to achieve anything with their criticisms other than just having something to say and saying it. Most of what passes for 'criticism' out there these days is not thoughtful, considered nor insightful. Instead it's full of invective, bile and incites good ol' flame wars with others who don't agree. No more do critics take the position that art for art's sake is something to be treasured or appreciated. In this day and age of fast-food-convenience or bust, art must MEAN something.

What passes for criticism is someone assigning a meaning to a piece of art based on mostly limited experience. One who criticizes who doesn't have any life experience by assigning meaning to something isn't a critic. That person is a loudmouth who can't shut up. In this person's world "this sucks" is meaningful on many levels without explanation.

2 - Do you wish to prove people wrong in their assessments of books? Do you hope to point people toward good work they may have missed?

I would hope that someone who engages in criticism would point to work he felt worthy of further consideration, but I just don't see it happen very often, and not for a long while. Then again, I don't read reviews of comics any more because I've grown tired of the pissing and moaning about why comics can't be great. Basic things like Compare and Contrast have been lost (even by me, to be 100% honest) when folks write about comics. It would be nice if someone reviewed a book they wanted to like, didn't like it, then told us why. That's a simple 500-word essay that can be helpful not only to potential readers, but to the creators as well. I suspect that most 'critics' on the web are merely frustrated wannabe comic book writers.

3 - Do you hope to steer people away from books you personally don't like?

Nail on the head, Clay. I think this is what most 'critics' really want to happen. "I hated this book and you should, too, so we can continue to be in the elitist club that we established long before the rubes who saw 'From Hell' started coming over to comics and then went to manga." Self-importance is a primary condition for anyone who qualifies himself as a 'critic' of comic books on the web.

Now, that doesn't mean there can't be good reviewers who don't like a comic. Not every piece can be gold, but let's show a little respect for the work involved and hope that our words of criticism could be helpful, if not constructive, about what we like, what we don't like, WHY we feel the way we feel and what we base our comments on. It's not hard, and I appreciate folks (like the commenter on Clay's post) who just give shout outs to works they like and why. That's a better 'review' for my money than someone on a 'major' comics news site who gets paid by the hit to be 'entertaining'.

Friday, June 6, 2008

If You've Ever Wondered...

If you've ever wondered what it would be like to microwave a cell phone:


If you've ever wondered what I do for a living, this is a good show of what it's like. It was even created and produced and stars some guys who work at the same place I've been at:

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Comic Blogs Response

I tried responding to Seth's post, but the comments don't accept html tags.

I only go to either CBR or Comics Continuum for comics news and/or reviews.
I mostly go to creators' blogs and I have about a million of those I frequent regularly.
Some of them include:

Warren Ellis

Ashley Wood

Jeff Smith

Character Design

Chris Wahl

Conrad Roset

Asaf and Tomer Hanuka


Sean "Cheeks" Galloway

And even our very own B. Clay Moore to name a few.

comic book blogs

What comic book blogs do you guys enjoy?

One that I visit frequently is "Comic Coverage" by Mark Engblom. The guy is pretty creative, using his own artwork on occasion while writing a fun, unique blog. He has an impressive knowledge of comics that I really enjoy. One of my favorite features of his is "Worst. Cover. Ever." where he displays and picks apart particularly bad comic covers.

You can see his blog here.

What comic book blogs do you all suggest? Jason, I'm sure you have a ton that you're familiar with...

Anyone see Wizard # 201? What did you think of the redesign?

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Writer's assistance

Seth sent me this link the other day. It's a website that offers advise and other things for established and aspiring writers. One of the "other things" that the website offers is information on grant money. I looked it over to see if there was something that might help our cause but nothing caught my eye.

However, there does seem to be a lot of information on grants for solo writers (as opposed to groups). In fact, the whole website is geared toward helping writers get paid for their craft. If you are writing (and that would be just about all of us) it would be worth your while to take a few minutes to check it out. There is a free newsletter you can sign up for while you're there.

For some reason, the hyperlink isn't working, so you'll have to copy and paste

Saturday, May 24, 2008


Cross-posted from my LiveJournal for comment here:

What do we fear?

Collectively, as Americans living in the United States, what do we fear? In the 30s, it was an invasion from Mars (thanks, Orson!) in the 40s: Nazis and the Axis powers. The 50s was the grand fear of The Bomb along with our own ignorance of our place in the universe as our general understanding was expanded, and the 60s gave us Communism and the threat of nuclear war. What was the fear in the 70s? Equal rights for women? Women's empowerment? Radicalism?

The 80s taught us to fear poverty, for greed is good. We were so afraid of being poor that we decided to tread upon everyone who didn't have money to keep them down, and the classes separated. In the 90s, the average American was probably more afraid of our own government than anything else. Sure there were carbombs in Ireland, the Middle East and elsewhere along with a petty, poorly-executed attack on the World Trade Center but those pale in comparison to the shootings at Ruby Ridge and the debacle with the Branch Davidians. Private citizens were gunned down by the American government on American soil. Add to that the persecution of the President for having extra-marital sex, and I bet most of the nation was terrified at some level of the government if they gave it any thought.

This decade (the Naughties?) has taught us that greed is not so good, that the poor aren't just camping, that the classes are more divided than ever, there's still a nuclear threat and Communism doesn't last forever. It's also taught us that women shouldn't strive, that non-whites are still to be feared and that our government doesn't want to change. We won't ever elect the smartest person in the room to the highest office in the land because we can't have politics interfering with our sports and reality entertainments.

I guess we don't fear the invasion of our planet from outer space any more because we've ruined our own home. Why would anyone else want it in the condition we've left it?

So what is there to fear? Loss of personal liberty? We're perfectly willing to give that up, with our representative government passing things like the Patriot Act. Mother Nature? Hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, tornadoes and the like have always done major damage, but the problem isn't the events themselves, it's the response to them that's the issue. No, what we have to fear is our own inadequacies. We have to step up, each of us, on our own and take responsibility for our actions. If we don't, then nothing will change and there's certain comfort in that.

But if we do, if we face the fear of failure, of repercussions for acts in our name, then we can be proud Americans again. Then we'll be able to face anything that comes, whether from outside our country or even outside our world.

The only thing we have to fear, as is said over and over again, is fear itself.

Friday, May 23, 2008

New SI Cover...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Random semi-interesting story from last night...

(By the way, you should have your 'zine by now if you live in the U.S.)

So, last night, Evey wakes up at 3 a.m. She's wide awake. Inexplicably. And she refuses to go back to sleep, or even yawn.

So I'm up dealing with her most of the time... she has me wide-awake now too. We move from room to room, trying to get comfortable, trying to get sleepy. To no avail.

It's 5 a.m. I have Evey in her nursery. We're looking out her back window. Might as well admire the first hints of sunrise, I figure. And I hear a weird noise.

There's the de-humidifier running two stories below me, yeah, but there's another sound... it sounds like a power surge or something. It's a "whoooOOO-whoooOOO." "What the hell is that?" I ask myself.

I go over to the other window in Evey's room and look outside, expecting perhaps some construction equipment, or something. And I see SMOKE. Lots of smoke. There's an abandoned home next to us, and then a neighborhood bar next to that. And I can tell that this is coming from the bar. It looks like the bar is on fire.

I run in to tell Adro she needs to watch Evey for a minute... I think Charlie's IS ON FIRE.

That shoots her awake. I'm in my [ajama bottoms and no shirt. I run downstairs and put on some sandals, and then run down the back alley. It's a car that's on fire. I'm about to take a step closer when I see there's someone admiring the fire, standing right next to the car. OK, I don't want to interrupt this dude, no telling WHAT he is up to.

I sprint back to my house and call 911. I was so winded and exasperated, I couldn't remember my own phone number when 911 was quizzing me. Adro yelled it out for me and suddenly they believe me. "There's an officer on the way," 911 told me.

The good news was that the cop was there about 10 seconds later! I was still on the phone with 911 and we had about three cop cars on the scene already.

To end the story, something small on the car exploded before the fire truck could get here, but then they arrived and put it out right away... about 15 minutes later I had an officer in my house asking me questions. This morning, I walked down there to see what was left, and a little crappy red Sunfire was still sitting there, hood popped, melted all to hell.

And Evey finally decided to go to sleep aroung 6 a.m.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Major breakthrough for our own Will Baxter!

Hi guys,

Let's all tip our hat and wish our fellow dreamer WILL BAXTER well as he continues to kick major ass in Myanmar, as a major photographer on the world stage.

If you saw Tuesday's New York Times, you saw a Will Baxter photo on the front page (seriously... front page of the NY Times... I'm freaking out!). If you subscribe to NEWSWEEK, then look inside this week's issue to see more Will Baxter photography. You'll also see him soon in the London Dispatch. And you'll probably see more from him in upcoming issues of NEWSWEEK.

You know, for many of us in the APA, we're hopeful for a breakthrough in our craft -- whether that be writing or drawing or in Will's case, photography. For Will, it's like he suddenly scored Batman (as a penciller or writer, whatever). So my hat is off to him.

You'll forgive him for having a weak contribution this issue, I'm sure, as he's busy making a name for himself as a photographer.
If you want to shoot him an email, you can get to him at They don't have Hotmail access in Myanmar (it will always be Burma to me) so don't email him at his old addy. And he might not be able to get back to you right away, but I'm sure he'd appreciate the words of encouragement. He'll be in Myanmar for another three weeks, it looks like.

Go get 'em, WB!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Awesome Video

Check it out. Make sure your speakers are up loud:

Marvel Studios Announces Schedule

The Incredible Hulk - June 13, 2008
Iron Man 2 - April 30, 2010
Thor - June 4, 2010
The First Avenger: Captain America - May 6, 2011
The Avengers - July 2011
Ant-Man - Writer/director engaged

(Also should mention Punisher: War Zone on December 5, 2008.)

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

DC Universe 0

ok, I haven't walked into a comic book store since at least early 2007, most likely earlier than that.
but I had to have DC Universe 0 in my hot little hands today. way to go, DC marketing machine. the bad news is that you only earned fifty of my pennies.

this book, written by Grant Morrison and Geoff Johns, had no substance. I realize that its very existence is a product of DC wanting me to buy the stuff it teases, but....
it teases some big stuff. the narrator's voice, when you finally figure out who it is (yeah, it took me until the last page, when it was hammer-hitting obvious) is pretty cool, I guess. more Legion exposure, and more villain stuff, and more
but I wanted big ideas and big payoffs - apparently I have to wait until Final Crisis.

the comic shop by my college is horrible. i walked in to three customers and two employees - one employee was early twenties, goatee-thing and glasses, talking about this one time when he went to this one thing and didn't sleep for forty-two hours.
there was a middle-aged customer in line ahead of me, he looked like a tall version of Mark Waid. man, is that a nerdy way to describe a fella. he spent $59 on about fifteen comics, and wasn't in the club. the counter-jockey asked him if he was in the club and explained the club to the customer. counter-jockey also said how excited he gets when customers pay with cash on Wednesday, how much he was loving the new *blah-something-blah* book, and how he would now put the customers order into a "convenient bagging device"
stupidly - and this is really, really stupid - i asked what week Final Crisis was coming out, and then when Trinity was due. counter-jockey and loud-goatee-guy didn't know either date, but started to explain to me the cycle of Iron Man hype and how that will die down to Final Crisis hype, and every comic website would be discussing it.
he started talking about how he trusts Kurt Busiek more than Paul Dini, and how Trinity should be better, both in concept and execution. i was walking out the door at this point, but they kept talking - mostly this made me remember why i don't go into comic shops anymore. and then it made me want to throw a fiery bomb into the back for a diversion and then run out so i wouldn't have to stand there any longer.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Cool! Free Comics

I'm really going to feel stupid if everyone else knew about this...

Does everyone know about Wowio? It's a website that has free comics (and books and such) that you can download and read! How &#*!ing cool is that? Anyhoo, here's the link:

Nothing by the major publishers, but some good indie reads. Check it out!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Awesome Atari 2600 Games

The greatest thing you'll see today, maybe all week:

Pulp Legacy Message Board

You know there's a Pulp Legacy Message Board?
Apparently I'm the only person who goes there since the last person we know -- Clay -- went there in November, and the most recent active PL member to go there was Arnett, in August. If we're not using that forum, especially since we're using this blog now, why doesn't someone just delete it?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Billboard with Spirit

This billboard is across the street from where I work, in Venice Beach. (These pictures taken just a few days ago.) Isn't that movie supposed to come out in January?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Comic book movie opinions

Sorry, but that KU picture was getting irksome and I needed something to bump it down the list (all you KU fans have had your fun, time to move on). Continuing with the movie inspiration from Jason, what does everything think about this summer's crop of comic book movies? Specifically, which ones (if any) will be "Oh my God!" over the top and which ones (if any) will deserve shame and damnation from the masses?

Personally, I think "The Dark Knight" will be the biggest movie of the summer, comic book or no. Great revamp of the franchise with the previous movie plus compelling storyline in Heath Ledger's death should make for some huge box office numbers. And from the looks of it, it should be a really good movie too (side poll: Who is the better Batman/Bruce Wayne? Christian Bale or Michael Keaton? My money's on Bale by a landslide)

So, who's got opinions?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Kansas -- CHAMPS!!!

Listen up all you comic book geeks!!! The Kansas Jayhawks are the champs!!! WWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOWWWOOOOO!!!!

2008 Champs, baby!!! OVERTIME THRILLER!!! Keep showing the Memphis band before every commercial, see if we care!! I'm with 40,000 people on Mass Street partying my guys out!!!


And Travis, even if Self does leave (which I don't think he will) you can't take away this 2008 championship from me!!! No one can do that!!!

My team finally won the BIG ONE!!!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

16 points

You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

KU plays on Monday...

...and I called it. I was conservative, but I called it.

As someone said in the UDK's Free for All section: Rock Chalk Mother Fucker.

I am soooooooo happy! Seth?


This may be old news already and it may not even be true but the first time I heard the tiniest mention of it was a few months ago and you know how fanboy rumors can be. This seemed too good to be true, and it's not like the IMDB is an official source of news, but still seeing it in the listing has me kinda excited. (And yes, even though I hated the first HULK movie (and why wouldn't anyone? That was one of the worst movies ever made, second only, perhaps, to ELEKTRA. (And since it was a horrible movie, that must mean that Sweeten loved it)), I'll go see this new one, Iron Man appearance or not.)

Thursday, April 3, 2008

What's your favorite comedy?

So, Jason's movie trivia thing got me thinking about doing something along similar lines here. But then I couldn't come up with anything so I decided to ask everyone what to list their favorite comedy and why. The why is the important part here. You can't just say "Fast Times at Ridgemont High 'cause I like Phoebe Cates' hooters". Okay, well maybe you can say that but I'm looking for a bit more than "hooters".

For me, it's always been Blazing Saddles. I'm a big fan of comedies, as evidenced by my DVD collection which is made of up of mostly comedies. So why Blazing Saddles? Let's make a list:

The dialogue. Hands down, the best dialogue in a comedy, ever. The funny thing about the script is that Richard Pryor had a hand in writing it, but he focused mainly on writing the white actors parts, whereas Mel Brooks wrote most of the black actors parts. And the black actors have the best lines. And the majority of the lines from this movie are still quotable after 25 years.

Comedic setup. I've always hated comedies where the situations are forced (e.g., two people have a conversation about the grim reaper knocking on their door and then the doorbell rings). Everything in this movie flows perfectly, even when it breaks the fourth wall (literally and figuratively) at the end. The timing and delivery of each scene results in maximum humorous payoff.

The actors. With a cast that includes Gene Wilder, Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn and Slim Pickens, how can you go wrong? The actors don't just inhabit their roles, they breathe them; to the extent that you actually believe these people are like this in real life.

The storyline. You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today. In this PC perfect, racially sensitive world we live in, Blazing Saddles would be protested before they shot one frame of film. But 25 years ago, nobody batted an eyelash. And that's sad because this movie actually lands a punch square in the nose on racial stereotypes by poking fun at some of the more outlandish ideas that people have about race. (One of my favorite lines that wouldn't make it today: Bart, the black sheriff, sees a friend of his for the first time since being carted off to jail. The friend says, "They said you was hung!" Bart answers, "And they was right!")

There are others that came in so close it wasn't funny (Clerks, Search for the Holy Grail, The Jerk) but Blazing Saddles takes the cake for me in terms of an all-encompassing comedy. So what is everyone else's favorite comedy?

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Blatant self-promotion

I'm running a movie meme contest on my LiveJournal. If you can name three or more of the movies from the quotes posted here, I'll write you in as a character to my new story Wait for the Light. Stop on over to participate, if you like, and make sure that if you DON'T have an LJ user name that you let me know who you are so I can get your name right.

Friday, March 28, 2008

WWE Diva and Comics

Yeah, I know I'm not the biggest comic book fan here. Heck, I'd probably be voted "Least Likely to Know What Villian was in Superman #42" if that's even a book. But I had to check out Marvel's website because my girl (and 2008 Playmate) Maria was in a Q&A article. If only it was more of a T&A article...

Thursday, March 27, 2008

From Wednesday

If you came out on Wednesday to the Minicomicpalooza and you're interested in contributing to Pulp Legacy, post up here and let us know. We'll get in contact with you soon!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

eBay goodness

I thought I'd put some stuff up on eBay... offset the cost of the scanner a little bit. I usually have a good time watching stuff sell on eBay (as long as it sells, that is) and I look forward to seeing what these two items fetch me:

Friday, March 21, 2008

Current Issue

For those of you coming in late, you might have missed this post about the still-current issue of PL. I know not everyone scrolls to older posts so that's why I'm linking this here.


Thursday, March 20, 2008


What's that sound? It's the sound of everyone leaving the Pulp Legacy Blog en masse now that I'm posting on it.

Oh, crap.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Wonder Woman in Playboy?!?

Not sure if you all had seen the February 2008 cover of Playboy, where comicdom's Wonder Woman makes an appearance on the cover. A pretty good issue, actually.

I'm letting my subscription lapse. The good issues are few and far between these days. Plus, subscription rates really skyrocketed. At $1 an issue, I could handle that. Now they want close to $2 an issue... if that's the best rate they'll get me, I'll have to say no.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Dave Stevens (1955-2008)

Another great comics legend passes at the young age of 52

Dave Stevens artwork is some of the most iconic in the last 20-30 years.

He will be mainly known as the creator of THE ROCKETEER, but it was his pin-up art that will be the forefront for me. Using Bettie Page as inspiration and being personally responsible for her revival after many thought her dead, his pin-up works were THE bar in the 80's and early 90's.

He got his start doing Tarzan strips and moved on to storyboards for Hanna Barbara for such notables as The Godzilla Power Hour and Super Friends.

Reading up on his death I learned that he was fighting a long, hard battle with leukemia that he kept quiet except for close friends and family.

He passed away due to complications last Monday.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Stevens.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

And to think I knew him before he was famous...

Friday, March 7, 2008

Some books from a random long box

Well, I grabbed a random longbox and these are a few of the cooler books I pulled out from it. Mostly it's new stuff -- New Avengers, Cap, Amazing Spidey -- a lot of stuff from right before I quit buying (the very first Civil War Spideys are in there).

And some cool Silver Age stuff. I thought, just for fun, I'd throw one of these up on eBay... but then I looked around eBay and these books are just so cheap unless they're in 9.8 or better... I'll keep them for another 20 years and then reconsider.

So here they are, for your viewing pleasure. What would you grade the X-Men # 6 at?

Jonesy got a SCANNER

It's on now, baby!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Thank you Tim, Zarko!

Thanks to Tim Tjarks ($25) and Rich Zaric ($20) -- both recently contributed to our CopyCo bill. I went down to the office just now and dropped off $50, so the bill continues to shrink. I'll have to defer to Copy J on how much is left on that account now, but it's under $100 I'm sure. is my PayPal address if you still haven't chipped in and would like to.

Thanks again, guys!

Who watches the Watchmen?

These guys do!

Sunday, March 2, 2008


I've got Radiohead on so loud in my headphones, I can't even hear you!!!
Oh, and I have Radiohead tix for May 14th in St. Louis.... boom-shaka-laka!!!
And I have a solid buzz on a Sunday evening. We're being warned about flash floods. Jason, call me if you need me to bring over my canoe. Bart: You're on your own. (We all know Copy Jesus walks on water.)